The Uncoachable Agent: Breaking Through the Wall of Vulnerability to Achieve Greatness

Owners, Brokers and Managers all experience it at some point in their careers, frequently more often than we care to admit. The incredibly talented REALTOR® who already "knows it all" – reaching them, through their mindset and breaking that wall of vulnerability, is the only way to help them grow and attain their potential. This is likely the most frustrating of all the processes of retention and business development when it comes to brokerage operation.

Far too often, classic methodology and systems are recommended or thrust upon these bright stars of the industry. The result is typically a push-back of sorts that frequently leads to animosity, resentment and the search for a "better fit" by the salesperson.

This isn't as much about them not "doing the activities" as it is about them not knowing how to implement the necessary systems and to "time block" their days. Part of this process that is rarely addressed is that the salesperson themselves may not truly possess the confidence in their own abilities that they seem to portray.

Strength vs. Weakness

Far too often people judge themselves to be strong in areas where they might not be. The ego has a very delicate tolerance level for the risk of admitting the lack of experience or knowledge; this vulnerability is a result of a fear of being perceived as "weak." Weakness recognition in itself is an enormous strength, but that aspect of personal development is usually forgotten in the coaching and training process.

Dr. Brene Brown, a sociologist, author and professor at University of Houston, has written a number of incredibly valuable books on the subject of vulnerability, shame and facets of cultural and social expectations that set people up to judge themselves more harshly than they should.

Prepare yourself to prepare them for success.

To truly be able to help these future superstar REALTORS® grow within your brokerage, you need to have a better understanding of the sociological and psychological implications of societal expectations on the average man or woman and, more so, understand the perceived idea of who these people are.

The best way to prepare yourself as someone who owns, runs or manages a real estate brokerage is to spend some time and read some of the work of Dr. Brown (The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly would be my top recommendations for immediate reading). Truly consider, read and take notes on these amazing works. The insight into the "shame web," as she dubs it, for women and the "shame box" for men will shed new light on why you are not achieving the success you expect with your salespeople.

Coaching, Training or Personal Development

Frequently those of us in leadership, coaching or training positions are so focused on following proven paths and systems that were created to achieve more sales and a bigger business pipeline. The problem with this is that most of the systems in place were not created by people who have practical and real life real estate experience.

That difference matters significantly. Anyone can create a training and sales coaching system, but do they have the psychological understanding and personal experience that those agents have had?

We can tell them how to overcome objections when calling on expireds or FSBO owners, but until you have the ability to help the "uncoachable" amongst your brokerage overcome their own internal objections, the results will be disappointing at best. This is why it is essential to urgently add personal development to the brokerage training menu. Empathy and understanding does not have to come from personal experience, but the relatability and credibility that a shared experience has on the impact of a message is immeasurable.

Why it matters that you know yourself first.

Before your agents can know themselves and overcome their personal objections, you as the leader need to recognize your own. Criticism, whether constructive or not, is something we all need to accept and consider at times, even when we are not in the right mindset to do so.

A leader who reacts defensively to a salesperson's projection of their internal struggle upon your leadership will only cause more strife and drama than is needed. This is where the aspect of personal development in the real estate industry MUST come into play.

Understand and accept that coaching, training and personal development are not all interchangeable terms. They are all different aspects of the process by which we enable our brightest stars to reach their potential, find the joy in their careers and then, in turn, share that success with others.

I recently was interviewing for an office leadership position. It seemed to be going well, but when the discussion of coaching came up, I stated, in a way I thought was respectful, that I disagreed in general on how the industry views coaching and that frequently it was jumbled together with training in script practices and such. To me, coaching is a much more holistic approach to REALTOR® development. The tone of the conversation turned quickly, and the next interview was cancelled shortly thereafter.

Was I wrong? No, it was my opinion and my experience as a personal and business development professional, but when people aren't ready to hear a truth or if I didn't carefully enough word my thoughts, then that is the expected reaction. Change is scary, and when faced with the opportunity for amazing growth through change, the fear is even greater.

We choose so often to limit our own success, partially because of the mindset of scarcity, as Dr. Brown refers to it in her books, makes us start the day thinking, "We don't have enough time/money/business/insert any other term here." Rather than celebrating what we do have, we take the pessimistic approach of looking at how we start the day lacking and therefore never are able to gain an advantage by celebrating the small victories and stepping stones to success.

Before your salespeople can grow and succeed, they first need to understand why they have not so far. Fairly often, it comes down to simple issues of focus, and time blocking, but to get them to step up to the realization and ownership of this problem is a very delicate process that can certainly scar an ego if not handled properly. In the end, the leadership has to have its own ego in check to really consider and accept this concept and not become defensive.

Why personal development should come before, or during business development

Leaders can tell these "uncoachable" agents what to do, how to do it and when to do it. But unless they truly experience the high of the success repeatedly, they won't continue on the path. As formerly uncoachable myself, I have the distinct advantage over many of those working as consultants to our industry. I am a salesperson, a broker and passionate about real estate and the consumer experience. The consumer perception is often based on experience with a single REALTOR® and that paints a picture of the industry.

Your leadership and guidance to help your entire salesforce understand that saying, "I don't know, let me find out" or to "own" their mistakes and that it will be okay. It's essential to changing the reputation of the industry, as much as it is also essential to retain your top producing agents.

The first question to answer is, are you a strong enough person to admit your weaknesses, to own your story and to lead with empathy? If you are, then this series of posts will be for you. If you are not, I challenge you to read Dr. Brene Brown and then not agree that the greatest challenge to the success of anyone, REALTOR® or not, is understanding shame, vulnerability and empathy, and being able to "own" our own lives and experience. Then, we are all Daring Greatly.